Wednesday, February 7, 2018

If Children Wrote Crime Fiction

If Children Wrote Crime Fiction

Crayons would be at 76% of the crime scenes but not all. The best colors would be scattered throughout the county. Each with a different clue specifically written with broken language.

One of those Minecraft creatures would be a suspect.
40% of the statistics would make no sense whatsoever as their math skills are not fully developed.
Dialogue will be plagiarized from YouTube comments.
The lead detective will have a folder full of memes shared to him via Facebook messenger.
Possible motives would be: stolen lunch money, being an ugly loser, sitting in the wrong seat both in class and on the bus, lack of punctuation on spelling test, and not consuming tide pods when triple dog dared too.
All boys will have cooties, no exception.
Broccoli and other vegetables will also be present at the crime scene.
Moana and other Disney characters would be written into the story without being given the proper consent.
If they didn’t see it on their parents iPad it didn’t happen.
Bullies will be given little character development. Expect them to “suck” and be “stupid”
Unnecessary expletives will be said by characters as they heard mommy and daddy use it.
The most common location for murders will be at school cuz school suxs.
protagonists will stay up past their bedtime to watch TV-MA programming such as Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia reruns.
No matter what soda will be the main beverage the lead detective drinks. All about dem bubbles yo.
Dogs will have consumed all homework, report cards, and letters from the stinky principal.

No comments:

Post a Comment