My dad voted for Donald Trump.
I did not.
My dad loves Donald Trump and is encouraged by what he’s seen over the past 8+ months in office.
I hate Trump and all that he stands for. My hatred has grown over the past 8+ months.
My dad and I live on opposite ends of the country, yet we speak on the phone at least 4–5 times per week. Since Election Night 2016, we’ve spoken 4 times about Trump/politics. The first conversation … didn’t go so well. The second chat (yelling match?) ended in a mutual agreement that we would not speak about politics again for “some time.”
A few weeks after the KKK March in Charlottesville, I called my dad asking him what he thought about Trump, fully expecting (hoping?) he’d no longer support him. I could not have been more wrong.
Dad: “I support Trump now more than ever.”
I was in shock (again). I didn’t think we’d talk about Trump again for awhile.
Then, a few days later, we had a brief — yet somewhat contentious — text exchange. It was the equivalent of me yelling at him over text — certainly not the best medium to have a conversation of this intensity.
Fast forward to last week. I was driving to meet a client. 9AM my time, noon on the East Coast. I texted my dad saying if he wanted to chat about politics, I’d be in the car for the next 3 hours. My phone rang within seconds.
Dad: I have an idea. What if I spend the next hour telling you my position on a few major political issues. You just listen. No talking. No responses. Just listen.
Me: Oooookaaaay.
Dad: Then, next week, you call me back and you speak for an hour. I’ll listen. Then, if we want, we’ll have a 3rd call where we respond to each other’s comments, have a real discussion, and so on.
Me: Oooookaaaay.
I was clearly hesitant, but this is my dad. To not talk openly about anything would be — and has been — weird.
So I agreed to listen. And listen I did.
I spent the next hour listening. Not responding. Not talking. And if you know me, not talking for an hour, let alone a few minutes is a real challenge for me — regardless of topic. But I did it, for the most part (we had a few back-and-forths).
Our Conversation(s)
My dad covered many “meaty” topics, from Immigration to Health Care to Abortion to Muslims. He shared his take on Democrats and Republicans. He told me why he voted for Donald Trump and why he supports him now more than ever. He talked about why he loves that Trump tweets.
He talked. He shared. He opened up. I listened. I bit my tongue (really hard a few times!). I learned a lot about my dad over that hour.
While I would not classify the 60-minutes as a traditional back-and-forth dialogue, it was a start. It was an hour more than we had talked about national and international issues in over a year — possibly ever.
When the conversation ended, we agreed that I would have an hour to talk while he listened. The plan was to absorb what he said and come back when I was ready. As it turned out, I was ready 4 hours later.
90 minutes of my 3-hour drive home was spent (again) talking about politics and Trump. I shared my point of view on Immigration and Health Care and Abortion and Muslims. I talked about why I didn’t like Donald Trump.
This 1.5 hour conversation turned into a bit more of a back-and-forth (progress!) and remained civil, for the most part. We didn’t always agree, but we did an amazing job listening to each other.
Again, progress.
A Few Things I Learned From Our 3+ Hours of Conversation
I went into this with low expectations and high hopes. 3+ hours later, I came out with a better understanding of where my dad stood on the big issues, and on Donald Trump.
And I learned a few things …
My dad and I agree on more than we disagree on. As we dug into the details, we agreed on many of the end goals, yet not always on the means to get there (i.e, Border Security is important, but not how we secure the border … The Wall).
It is important to listen (without interrupting). As my friend Jessica Harris just shared to Instagram, “The biggest communication problem is we don not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
“Listening to reply” is often more pervasive in topics we are passionate about, like politics (and Trump).
3. If the “pro” and “anti” Trump camps engage in dialogue more often, we as a country — as a civilization — will be better off. I’ve been told by many people (including family) to “just not talk about it.” I don’t think that’s how we move in a positive direction. Not talking. Ignoring. Avoiding. This is not how we move forward.
I don’t like Donald Trump. Actually, I hate him. I’m embarrassed by him. I think he is dividing an already divided country. I think he only cares about himself and what gets him more “ratings.” All you have to do is check out my tweets or Facebook posts.
However, I love my dad. I’m proud to call myself his (favorite!) son. I look up to my dad. I respect my dad. I don’t always agree with him, but I will always love him.
Part of a healthy relationship is a healthy dialogue. We don’t have to agree. But we do have to discuss. We have to listen. Once we stop having conversations, we risk losing our relationships.
My Challenge to You
Share this article with a co-worker, a colleague, a family member — anyone who does not see eye-to-eye with you when it comes to politics (and/or Trump). Set up some time, at least an hour, to talk/listen or have a true back-and-forth dialogue. Then report back. Or write your own article and share it.
We can do this.
But we can only do this is we engage in active dialouge.
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